I do think one of the problems with white people using the "n" word or being dismissive of other white people using it is that a lot of black people (though not all) use it nonchalantly. What I'm saying here, is, to my mind, it is not about white people using it, per se. It is more about a white person's reaction to it. If it is used so nonchalantly the way certain black people use it towards one another, then the controversy around the "n" word (and the implied reactions) is treated nonchalantly, if that makes sense.